Strangeness of Family, The Reality of Expectation & Acceptance (Shweta)
Three things stood out to me in the movie: (1) The mother's forlorn expressions and unhappiness, (2) Conversations about money and indulging in little treats, (3) Family units collectively making decisions with a desire for the family to stay together.
Through marriage, the central family unit inevitably breaks apart. The scattering of this family is not only in Noriko leaving, but speaks of the loss of the late son. The breaking of a family unit is always expressed in the Ozu films and the parent child relationship in the film already mimics this. The children disobey their parents and aren't ideal. Noriko's mother expresses a similar betrayal when she says, 'She acts like she grew up all by herself.' The family wishes that Noriko had discussed her decision to marry Kenkichi with everyone. If, collectively, the family has agreed or disagreed, the understanding is that Noriko will naturally feel the same way too. It is as though the family unit is meant to think collectively, and dissonance in each others' thoughts is not expected. Inevitably and naturally, the child's own life will stand apart and this leads to a feeling of betrayal. When the father says 'I wish we could live together forever,' he expresses a strange kind of togetherness in the face of life and a realization that this type of loss cannot be avoided. If the family does not break apart through marriage, then death will be another form of separation.
Poverty is also hinted throughout the movie. Happiness is tied to Noriko marrying into a rich and comfortable family and while they do enjoy treats at home, they aren't allowed to 'ask for too much.' Minoru's father shuts down his desire for a new toy by hitting him and scolds his mother when she wishes to find a younger husband for Noriko. Shoji is strictly bound to what he thinks is realistic and is infuriated by idea of wanting more. This effects Minoru deeply, to the point that he disappears. While Noriko does enjoy expensive cake, later on she says, "Poverty doesn't worry me like it does other people."
Ozu brings together the sadness of unfulfilled desire (asking for too much), enjoyment of small pleasures (allowing yourself to ask for a little but under certain constraints), but also the question: Why can we not ask for too much? Is this to protect ourselves from the reality that hits you when expectations are left unfulfilled?
The mother's desire for more happiness is 'asking for too much' especially when the chances of her son returning is impossible. The father says he has given up hope that his son will return, and this is contrasted with the mother listening to the missing person radio every day. Her desire is probably one that is causing her immense pain which is similar to how Minoru feels after he gets beaten up. Minoru and the mother's sadness show us that there is no easy way to acceptance, and that they both will continually grapple with a certain kind of grief.
Beautifully observed and expressed. Your questions, "Why can we not ask for too much? Is this to protect ourselves from the reality that hits you when expectations are left unfulfilled?" deserve to be tackled head-on. It is one of the Christian criticisms of Buddhism (and Stoicism) that the desire for happiness is given up out of fear of disappointment -- so we end up living an incomplete, half-human life out of fear, without taking the Big Risk.
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